Before my stroke one of my biggest concerns was obviously my hair among other trivial things.  I did feel as though I was useful, I had the capacity to do things for myself and get things done that I wanted to do.  I do not feel that way all the time now. There are things that I just don’t do because I can’t and it is alright, as time moves on it sometimes becomes unnecessary.  Previously I handled the finances and thankfully Chad knew some of what that entailed. After the stroke he took over all of that to a point that I almost feel lost trying to get back into it now. 

I am definitely a do-er.  I wish I could sit and read a book but I find it hard to do unless I am on vacation.  Rather I listen to books so that I can do things at the same time. My doing came to a standstill for months after my stroke, it was a big hit to the person I thought that I was.  It was hard for me to feel loved for being me rather than for the things that I did. This was not a new concept to me, I should have understood it better knowing that I can not do anything to merit favor with God.  “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Eph 2:8-9

While it wasn’t such a stretch to understand that God did not expect perfection from me, it was harder for me to understand that people would love me for who I was rather than what I did.  It is still a difficult concept for me and I think that is partly because of my personality. I would like to assure my family that I don’t love them because of what they do, but because of who they are.  Which is probably the main reason I understand God’s grace to me, because I extend it to those that I love, not for what they do, but because of who they are.