For months after my surgery I had thoughts that I would not have previously had, I didn’t always understand at the time, but my mind was not functioning as it should. 

I occasionally thought things that just were not true, such as, I forgot how many kids I had and I thought I had conversations that never happened.  When I became cognizant of my situation, I literally was very upset that they removed part of my brain and did not give me superpowers as a replacement.  It took me a while to realize that performing brain surgery was hard enough and I would have to live without super powers. I fairly consistently had a much more concerning thought and that was that I just shouldn’t be here on this earth.  I was not suicidal, but I did wonder why I didn’t die in surgery. I did not see a counselor, although I probably should have, I generally am not one to communicate my feelings to strangers. While what I experienced might not have a specific name, there was definitely a change in my thinking that made me not be completely me.  I looked and acted much like myself and only a few people truly noticed the change, especially my counselor husband. He kept a close eye on me and didn’t leave my side unless he had lined up unsuspecting “babysitters” to stay with me. My friends came over and said they were there because they wanted to be there, which may well be true, but Chad took advantage of their being there and ran his errands then, so  I was never alone for several months after my surgery.

The very presence of such prayers in Scripture is a witness to His understanding. He knows how men speak when they are desperate.

Derek Kinder, speaking of Psalm 88

This did not go away all at once like the sickness, but waned over time.  I feel like my view of the world is still somewhat altered from others or at least from the way that it was before.  I came to see this world as a sin sick place where bad things happen because of the sin in the world and the only escape is heaven.  While I still see this point of view, I also have some appreciation of the wonderful gifts that God allows us here on this earth, like a warm sunny day after a cold winter and the pleasure of being with loved ones.